I AM PROUD OF YOU
In memory of Linda Wolfe, z”l, of Blessed Memory
Its late here, in a hot apartment room on the island of Ibiza, Spain.
We are travelling with two small children, no small feat, an enormous blessing nevertheless. We are here to officiate a wedding on Sunday.
20 years since mum died, 7 years a rabbi.
Milestones and yet often my experience of milestones is that they are hard to exactly locate, hard to describe.
Mum passed to soon, I was only 19 years old, I know how much her death impacts me even to this day but in many ways my life has been steered in her honour, steered in relationship with her memory and this seismic moment in my life. She said in repetition as I sat on her bed, some few weeks before she died: “you can do anything you want to do. Oliver, you can do anything you want to do”. My response, here I am in 2022, 20 years later, doing just that, living the good life, with a wonderful family, living a life of my dreams, doing holy work.
I don’t think it is the work I would ever have imagined, I don’t think I had a plan to be a freelance, Havurah rabbi as I turned 40 years old but here I am, in the flow and living the life I was supposed to live.
I do this work because it matters, because perhaps what we miss most in this world is people who look into our souls, see our humanity and ask: “what’s up?” That is the primary role of a rabbi to see a person’s humanity and find just the smallest nudge, supporting people as they take just one step up, towards greater holiness and dignity.
What does it all mean, 7 years a rabbi? I have not been ok, 7 years is also the same amount of time since my beautiful little sister Betsy z”l passed away, I was not ok in the early years after she passed. I think holding the title rabbi, is no small thing, there are expectations; of working hard, of knowing a lot of stuff, of guiding people and community - you need broad shoulders for this work and at times, while emerging through layers of grief, I have certainly lost my way.
Having been so low, at times seen rock bottom, I have also been strengthened, I have seen what it means to live in strength, not to try and do it all, to find the one piece you will contribute, to show kindness and love as you work, not to let your own fears make you bitter or angry. This is work in progress, but I have learnt so much about myself as I have trodden this magical path we call ‘rabbi’.
At the end of it all, I am proud of me, proud of finding the path I have found. It was not always obvious I would make it. What will always hurt is that mum is not here in the flesh to say: “I am proud”.
Thanks for all your support.
Shabbat shalom x
